With the advent of affordable DNA testing and companies like 23andMe, many people have discovered that the family members they grew up with are not biologically related. For some, these revelations can be a welcome and exciting discovery process. For others, they’re shocking and unwanted. In today’s episode, Steve Lickteig explains how his family and community kept his true identity from him for 18 years, and the Sugars advise letter writers who are still reeling from their genetic discoveries. For more information on today’s episode, including a list of literary recommendations from the Sugars, visit nytimes.com/dearsugars.