Never Me

There is no way to really start this story.
My story really has no beginning and no ending. It's like I was plucked from nonexistence and dropped smack-dab into the worst possible nightmare. I am not sure if I ever felt a moment of comfort or love from my parents; my sister I have, but from the ones that created me I don't think I did. When you go your entire life not feeling the shelter of a parent's love, I think even if for only a second if it was present it would be unforgettable, even to an infant.
I cannot move forward without going back. I do not want to go back. I am scared of very few things in this world, but my past is something to bring on the cold sweats and break me into a ball of rage and pain. The trapdoors, I call them, the ones containing all of the fury and pain, they need to be broken open. I have fought against it for too long, and now I face my own death or my own redemption. I face the fact she will never be back and I accept the moment I broke.
That's one of the many doors I fear opening. Doors that are closed and locked and barricaded in for a reason. What I share with you will make your skin crawl, and sadly I haven't even scratched the surface.
My name is Noah Beckett, and this is my story. There will be moments I disgust you; I will undoubtedly break your heart. I am a master of making ugly even worse, but I can bring out beauty in the worst of all things. I do not judge, I would have answered to a bullet a long time ago if I did. You may not like my choices or the things I say and the way I live, but you will respect it because I have earned it.