Rubbernecking, chocolate legs and Jay Bothroyd

Allegri plays his hand, PSG’s meek surrender, and Dulwich Hamlet stay strong

Toxicity, complicity and pitchside relief

Troglodytes, chutzpah and conscription

Thirty-somethings, transferrable skills and Tedesco

The Costa Rica rule, the Ronaldinho doctrine and inherent Weiss

The Spy with the Cold Nose, Zlatan’s Galaxy Quest, and memories of that 7-1

Wrwgwai, foul thobes and nightclubbing in Stoke

Pardew the discarded, Lamela the b*stard and Zlatan the great

Gentleman Ray and A Picture of Dorian Gray