Matthew Hussey

I did this because the attention felt good, and life was lonely without it.

I did this because the attention felt good, and life was lonely without it.

“My expectations are what’s fucking me up right now. Before, I just appreciated it for what it was, but then I went from gratitude to expectation.”

“My expectations are what’s fucking me up right now. Before, I just appreciated it for what it was, but then I went from gratitude to expectation.”

real relationship requires bravery from both sides. It requires us to be vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to be seen. It requires curiosity and vision to fully take in who the other person is. To really see them. To accept their on-camera selves, and their hidden behind-the-scenes mess. To view their worst parts with acceptance and generosity, not contempt. And to have enough faith and strength to trust the other person to offer the same latitude to our darker sides. On top of all this, it requires two people who actually have a vision for where they want the relationship to go, and the daily execution to move toward that vision. Exceptional relationships are not found. They’re built.

A real relationship requires bravery from both sides. It requires us to be vulnerable enough to allow ourselves to be seen. It requires curiosity and vision to fully take in who the other person is. To really see them. To accept their on-camera selves, and their hidden behind-the-scenes mess. To view their worst parts with acceptance and generosity, not contempt. And to have enough faith and strength to trust the other person to offer the same latitude to our darker sides. On top of all this, it requires two people who actually have a vision for where they want the relationship to go, and the daily execution to move toward that vision. Exceptional relationships are not found. They’re built.

But if you try a different reaction—admitting that you were a little sad because you like hearing from them—maybe the vulnerability, this honesty that’s not part of your normal practice, gets a good result.

These calculations help with the difficulties of being single too: There’s a way to cultivate a curiosity about experiences that are a few degrees different from the ones we usually have.

curiosity helps you step out of fear, and by doing so you rob the thing you’re afraid of of the power it has over you. This attitude—remaking your own life into a social experiment—can produce
results you never could have anticipated.

curiosity helps you step out of fear, and by doing so you rob the thing you’re afraid of of the power it has over you. This attitude—remaking your own life into a social experiment—can produce
results you never could have anticipated.