Ella James

One day, I'll hold a man's hand as we walk down a sidewalk. It won't be in Alabama.

One day, will he have a husband? What would that be like?
He makes me hate him.
I think of some faraway town. Maybe out near Denver. I think of their apartment, with its stupid little balcony that barely holds one chair, the way they’d hang a picture or a coat rack in the foyer. There might be a small coat closet, and they’d put their shoes there. I don’t want to think of DG’s future shoes in Denver.
I don’t want to think of anything.

I summon that feeling of being held by him almost every night, when I’m drifting off to sleep

I don't remember kicking to the surface. I remember hands on me. And how ironic that he calls me angel face, because I thought he was an angel.

His hand tries to grasp mine. I can’t help laughing softly. I put my hand over his and thread my fingers through his, squeezing for a second.
“Never jump,” I whisper.
“Never fall.” His lips brush my back.

I reach out. My hand cups his throat.
“Ezra,” I whisper. My fingers move to where I know I’ll feel his pulse. The jugular. His eyes close and his head tips back a little, giving it to me. If I were a vampire, I would strike right now and drain him dry.

"You don't want me touching you?" My fucking voice cracks on the words as I look down at the ground. I squeeze my eyes shut as tears throb behind them. "Sorry."
His hand comes under my chin, squeezing so my body freezes.
"No." He lifts my face so our eyes meet. "I knew if you touched me one more time, I would do this."
And then he steps in closer, wraps a hand around the back of my head, and kisses me so hard and deep I nearly slide to the ground.

When we’re decent, his eyes catch mine and hold them. I can’t read what’s on his face, but I think he looks content.

“Let me say this. If dying’s not the point, then the setup’s all wrong?” I laugh. “You feel me?”

I want to say I’m sorry for what I did to him. For making everything hurt. But as his lips find mine, I realize I’m not. It’s the only way I could have done it…and it led to this.