Gordon

he question of parental influence might not be quite so crucial if things we

ght not be quite so crucial if things were going well with our young. That our children do not seem to listen to us, or embrace our values as their own, would perhaps be acceptable in itself if they were truly self-sufficient, self-directed, and grounded in themselves, if they had a positive sense of who they are, and if they possessed a clear sense of direction and purpose in life. We see that for so many children and young adults th

Many lack self-control and are increasingly prone to alienation, drug use, violen

A child must be receptive if we are to succeed in nurturing, comforting, guiding, and directing her. Children do not automatically grant us the authority to parent them just because we are adults, or just because we love them or think we know what is good for them or have their best interests at heart. Stepparents are often confronted

If parenting skills or even loving the child are not enough, what then is needed?

actively attaching to that adult, be wanting contact and closeness with him. At the beginning of life this drive to attach is quite physical—the infant literally clings to the parent and needs to be held.

closeness and finally a sense of psychological intimacy.

Only the attachment relationship can provide the proper context for child-rearing.

The secret of parenting is not in what a parent does but rather who the parent is to a child.

The attachment relationship of child to parent needs to last at least as