David R. Hawkins

Frequently, it is our personal pride that feeds and propagates the anger

One source of pride is connected with self-sacrifice. If our relationships with others are associated with our small self in the form of sacrifice, then we are setting ourselves up for later anger, because the other person is usually unaware of our “sacrifice” and is, therefore, unlikely to fulfill our expectations

In the above example, both persons are looking for acknowledgment. They want it, desire it, but block it in each other. Each side feels pressured and, consequently, resistant. The resistance is because pressure is always felt by us as a denial of our choice. It is felt as emotional blackmail.

We all know the resistance we feel when we become aware that somebody is fishing for a compliment, and the same resistance goes on unconsciously as well as consciously

When we are motivated by self-sacrifice, we are pressuring the other person. Even if we force an acknowledgment, it will be a disgruntled one. A forced compliment does not satisfy

The way to offset this anger is to acknowledge and relinquish the pride, surrender our desire for the pleasure of self-pity and, instead, view our efforts on behalf of others as gifts. We can experience the joy of being generous with others as its own reward

If we constantly follow this procedure, we will come to the awareness that everyone in our life is acting as a mirror. They are really reflecting back to us what we have failed to acknowledge within ourselves. They are forcing us to look at what needs to be addressed. What aspect of our smaller self needs to be relinquished? This means that we have to constantly let go of our pride in order to undo anger, so that we can be grateful for the continual opportunities of growth with which we are presented in the course of everyday experience

One source of anger stems from the unacknowledged acts of the love that we have expressed to others.

Very often an internal dialogue can go on for years about our resentment over the other person’s lack of appreciation for our feelings about them

As we examine our relationships, we can ask ourselves, “What have I failed to acknowledge in those with whom I have daily contact?”