talkativefangirl13

Scott later found himself sitting quietly in the bathtub, looking at his bruised fingers, wondering when was the last time someone did this to him since Jean died.

Logan shrugged, “Still better than most,” he commented, “What do ya usually do when ya can’t sleep?”

“I—” I train myself in the Danger Room until the voices in my head stop, until I can’t move anymore, until someone else told me stop. Lately it had been you, telling me that it’s enough. That it’s not my fault. But Scott can’t say that, “I train.”

Maybe, just maybe, no matter what time he gets thrown into, if Logan’s there, their relationship will always be the same.

But when he looked down, he saw himself flickering again, as if his body was fighting for existence.

Scott froze, for days he’s been trying to leave this pace, wondering how he would. But now knows how, it suddenly feels, unfair.

Not yet, please not yet

The older man crouched down beside him, “Hey,” he said, still, Scott didn’t look up, “It’s fine.”

And Scott, Scott was pissed, “No, it’s not,” because it’s not, it’s not fine, nothing about this is fine. It’s not fine to be thrown into this place, get to live a life where he was just starting to get custom of, then just yank him back away. It’s not fine because a few years from now, Logan will forget everything that had happened here and will never be able to remember it again. It’s not fine that just when Scott get to realize something good for once in his life, it’ll be gone again in a blink of an eye.

Nothing about this is fine.

“It’ll be fine,” Logan said again, because what else can they do but to just accept it?

“In the future, find me,” he said, voiced lowered into hushed tones.

Logan, for the first time since he got home, smiled, “I will, I got all the time in the world.”

Scott said nothing, because what else would he say? He couldn’t remember kissing the older man, but he remembers kissing his Logan, the one he left in Nagasaki, the one that told him everything would be fine and would find him. Scott’s here and Logan found him, yet it feels like he wasn’t found at all.