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The School of Life

How to Find Love

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Choosing a partner is one of the most consequential and tricky decisions we will ever make, and the cost of repeated failure is immense. How to Find Love explains why we have the ‘types’ we do, and how our early experiences give us scripts of how and whom we love. It sheds light on harmful repetitive patterns and the extent to which we are not always simply choosing people who can make us happy. We learn the most common techniques we use to sabotage our chances of fulfilment and why, despite their costs, we unwittingly engage in them. The book provides a crucial set of ideas to help us make safer, more imaginative and more effective choices in love.
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53 printed pages
Original publication
2020
Publication year
2020

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Quotes

  • Mariahas quoted4 years ago
    We should remind ourselves that our room for manoeuvre is limited. The task is not to hate a partner for their deficiencies; it is to get interested, in a kindly way, in their development.
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    • shnykinahas quoted4 years ago
      One of the most important principles for choosing a lover sensibly is not to feel in any hurry to make a choice. Being satisfied with being single is a precondition of satisfactory coupledom. We cannot choose wisely when remaining single feels unbearable. We have to be at peace with the prospect of many years of solitude in order to have any chance of forming a good relationship, or we’ll love no longer being single rather more than we love the partner who spared us being so.
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      • shnykinahas quoted4 years ago
        The liberating move is to see that what we want exists in places beyond the pain-inducing characters we have already identified it in.
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