The Social Skills Guidebook: Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are

It’s certainly not fun or helpful to feel shy or nervous, but it’s not a sign you’re weak or mentally defective. These problems are very common. Just because they may be giving you more trouble than average doesn’t change that they’re normal human emotions. Go easy on yourself and give yourself permission to feel that way

Be more angry and defiant. You’re tired of letting your shyness and worries push you around, and you won’t let them run your life any longer.

If you can start to care less about the consequences of your self-doubts or anxiety, you’ll be less likely to feel insecure or anxious in the first place.

A key part of being functional is to realize you can be shy, nervous, or insecure during a social event and still function and ultimately enjoy yourself.

A key to handling anxiety is to break the avoidance habit.

The richest aspect of shyness is the thinking patterns and beliefs that fuel it. Shy people think in ways that increase the supposed risks and stakes of socializing. They see other people as mean and judgmental. They see themselves as unappealing and less socially capable. They view interactions as life-or-death tests of their social skills and worthiness as individuals.

You can’t get everyone in the world to change; you can only work on yourself.

Your anxiety is holding you back. It’s only natural you’d want to avoid the kind of social practice that makes you nervous. At times you’re well aware that you’d like to make changes but are too scared of getting rejected, embarrassing yourself, or having to dwell on your failures. At other times your anxiety will provide you with an excuse to procrastinate, like “I’ll try to make more friends in the summer, when I’m not so busy with school.”

It’s important to be true to yourself, but not to the point where you become locked in place and dismiss anything new with “No, that’s not who I am.”

off to the races