The Quantum Vault

Experience The Quantum Vault, where humanity's future hinges on alien ultimatums and a space trucker named Doug falls for a voluptuous mermaid holograph. This wildly entertaining sci-fi romp doesn't just explore humanity's place in the universe—it wrestles it into submission with humor, heart, and a dash of cosmic absurdity.

When Luna, a witty and hyper-intelligent hologram, gives a speech so electrifying it reshapes galactic politics, the universe teeters on the edge of chaos. She gets a kiss from Doug afterwards, which prompts her to order mouthwash and breath mints “strong enough to kill small animals.”  Immediate delivery by a seven-foot socially intrusive robot leads to a broadcast of Doug’s various “health afflictions,” including severe halitosis, and his addiction of watching Space Sponge Blob reruns to the billions following Luna’s every move. Luna points out, in Doug’s defense, that he was compromised by a
“consciousness ray” from the ancient aliens which tweaked him towards unusual sex-cravings and addictions. The ancients threatened to use the rays on the entire population of Earth to soften them up for “political and social change,” turning them into docile and distracted primates.

Her plea? Disarm nuclear weapons and embrace genetic hybridization with alien benefactors who enjoy trolling un-evolved humanity and threaten to annihilate the entire human species if humanity doesn’t disarm and ban “nuk nuks” or nukes.

Doug finds himself navigating a universe where holographic love is real, alien “peace packages” come with passing gas and sex jokes from alien orators, and humanity's best hope demands Doug's death to secure the ultimate weapon against the Void, a ‘creepy, big shadowy thing.”


With the entire team's help, and a 5-billion-year-old artifact called “the Vault” that wields tremendous knowledge and power, our hero is resurrected from death as a quantum AI hologram.  Narrowly escaping “the Void,” he sings on his way back to consciousness in a stellar Vault-propelled operatic performance which culminates in a romantic unison duet with Luna. Her background singers and dancers, an unlikely duet of two aliens, provide ample comic relief.  As a sentient hologram mirroring Luna, he hopes to regain his renowned ability to get “bulges” in his pants, even if they occurred at the most inopportune times in the past, like in front of dozens of cameras when he kissed Luna.