Under the Lights

I would protect him and his secret however I could. This wouldn’t kill me. I had survived much worse.

Maybe I was meant to be alone. Life had taken any relationships that I cherished and ripped them away from me. I was getting tough. There weren’t even any tears this time.

Sometimes the revenge we seek doesn’t meet our expectations. It only hurts us.

If I could run away with him, I would. But that wasn’t going to fix anything. Running from your problems never worked. They wouldn’t disappear, and they’d follow you. I’d tried that, and it hadn’t been my cure. Facing it and dealing with it was how I learned to survive.

They would want you to find happiness again. To live for them. They won’t get life, and because of that you need to live it for them. Not forgiving yourself and placing blame on yourself isn’t doing their lives justice. They’d want more for you.

I understood hiding from life. I’d done it myself.

The worn book in my hands smelled of old paper and libraries. I loved that smell. It had gotten me through the past six months. The only escape I had had was inside pages much like these. Pulling my legs up underneath me, I began to read the words and allow the fiction to lead me into another place. One with problems that weren’t mine but made me less alone just the same.

He had secrets and so did I. We both would have to deal with those secrets and what was eating us up inside alone.

I’d check on that too.”