Quackery

Pity those gingers. Another recipe for redheaded cadavers comes from a German physician in the early 1600s. “Choose the carcass of a red man, whole, clear without blemish, of the age of twenty-four years, that hath been hanged, broke upon a wheel, or thrust-through.” The flesh should then be chopped to bits, sprinkled with herbs like myrrh and aloe, and mashed in wine. Afterward, it was dry-cured in a shady spot, where it would become comparable to smoked meat “without stink.” If you’re envisioning beef jerky, then you’ve got the right idea, though eating the jerky wasn’t the end point. A red tincture would then be obtained from the dried flesh, and used as a restorative wound treatment or for a slew of other ailments.

We were so into beaver-testicle harvesting that a popular medieval legend was that beavers, weary from being hunted, would just chew off their testicles at the sight of humans and throw the newly freed body parts directly at their oppressors. While the folktale does give beavers an enviable degree of badassery, it’s also totally bogus.