Dear God

These days, I wish I didn’t believe. It’s less painful thinking you don’t exist than thinking you do and you’re just watching me wander.

Please come get me. Please come get all of us. I can’t be the only one who feels like this. I’m not dead, but I’m not alive. Every breath hurts.

I’ll say it because you already know I think it—I wish I hadn’t been born. This is a ride I never would have gotten on if I’d known.

How do I move on from who I’ve been to who I want to be?

Please help me forgive.

DEAR GOD,

I asked for forgiveness today. Please help me to be harmless. Soften my broken parts so they don’t cut those around me. The closest ones are the most vulnerable. Make me a dove.

Love,

ME

DEAR GOD,

Assuming I get to heaven, I don’t want neighbors.

ME

I’m terrible at being a fully grown human. You made me, and it’s been said you don’t make mistakes.

DEAR GOD,

Sometimes, all the time, daily, every five minutes, I look at the world and know exactly why you flooded it.

ME

Speak to the fear in my soul so that it might recognize your voice, wake up, rise, thrive.