Your Screenplay Sucks!

“The easiest way to attract a crowd is to let it be known that at a given time and a given place someone is going to attempt something that in the event of failure will result in sudden death.”

Simple rules for better writing: Most important word at the end of the sentence. Most important sentence at the end of the paragraph.
I could hear the whistle of the axe already.
I could already hear the whistle of the axe.
The power in a sentence comes at the end.

You’ll be able to concentrate on her world, her problems, her diction, her speech patterns — all the way to the bottom of the scene.
When you’re done, print it.