Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People

Listen. Analyze. Decide whether to accept the feedback. Whatever you decide, the other person still has a problem with you, so work through the five-step process to resolve the conflict. Then ask yourself: Going forward, what can I do differently to avoid this from happening again? When you do that, you'll gain respect as a person who genuinely cares about how you treat others.

When someone's come to you about something you said or did, it's important to define the problem from both perspectives: “Here's how you view it…and here's how I view it.” By defining both sides of the issue, you put yourself on a level playing field. You can then work through the issue to a satisfactory agreement.

Like Kate, passive bosses want to be everyone's friend. They're likeable people, but being likeable doesn't necessarily translate into being a good boss. Actually, this is one of the worst management styles you'll encounter. These bosses allow others to make all decisions, avoid conflict at all costs, don't set high expectations, make excuses for failures, and provide ineffective feedback. As a result, disagreements and problems fester and grow.

If your boss makes poor decisions, you'll become more confident initiating your own outcomes. In other words, your boss's lack of abilities could be a blessing in disguise. When you concentrate on how you can fill in the gaps for your manager, you'll develop important leadership skills.

It might help to remind your coworker that you came directly to him rather than to the boss. “Look, I didn't go over your head on this. I'm coming to you so that we can figure out what's going on and how we can stop this from happening in the future.”

“Look, Kyle, I appreciate that you're intelligent and are very good at what you do. I hope you appreciate that I'm also intelligent and know what I'm doing. I've been on the job for three years, and I'm proud that I'm good at what I do. When the boss assigned the project to me, he did so because he was confident that I'd do a good job. Because I don't want to continue to feel devalued when you offer input, I'd like for us to resolve this.” (compromise)

Remain calm, keep a passive facial expression, and if someone asks your opinion or goads you into agreeing, you can say: “I don't know enough about the situation to comment.” By remaining neutral, you'll let others know that you're not into gossip.

“Thank you for your opinion.” This will likely leave the person speechless and end the conversation. Then you can decide whether the criticism is valid. If it is, you need to decide how to act on it.

“So what you're saying is that you don't remember but you may have made a joke about me?” Amanda asked.
“I might have. I really don't remember,” Vicky responded.
“Well, even making a joke about me bothers me because the person I heard it from didn't take it as a joke.(“I” phrase)

When confronting a coworker about a problem, it's always best to focus on the situation rather than on the person. Your message will be better received if it shows that you viewed the situation from other perspectives, states how the offending behavior made you feel, and demonstrates a willingness to remain open.