Conversations on Love

When I asked psychiatrist Dr Megan Poe why people lose their sense of self in relationships, she said it’s sometimes because they’re trying to ‘echo-locate the other and not reveal the self’ and merge with them.

This makes me think that one of the most important things in love is memory. We have to remember to keep up the little acts that say ‘I’m here’: to post the birthday card, to look into someone’s eyes, to call, to kiss, to hug, to ask questions and to say ‘I love you’ – and not in a throwaway way. Then to remember the big things: to tell the truth, to accept impermanence, to retain separateness, to see beyond ourselves, to understand that, although other people’s flaws are annoying, so are ours; and to keep catching ourselves.

I am a fairly grounded, well-rounded person; I don’t need a hero. If I do meet someone, he will be a normal human being who is trying to figure out his way through the world, who is flawed and who will make mistakes, just as I will.