The Art of Communicating

Our wounded child is not only us; he or she may represent several generations of ancestors. Our parents and ancestors may have suffered all their lives without knowing how to look after the wounded child in themselves, so they transmitted that child to us. So when we’re embracing the wounded child inside us, we’re embracing all the wounded children of past generations. This practice doesn’t just benefit us; it liberates numberless generations of ancestors and descendants. This practice can break the cycle.

1. Tell the truth. Don’t lie or turn the truth upside down.

2. Don’t exaggerate.

3. Be consistent. This means no double-talk: speaking about something in one way to one person and in an opposite way to another for selfish or manipulative reasons.

4. Use peaceful language. Don’t use insulting or violent words, cruel speech, verbal abuse, or condemnation.

When I drink my tea, I just drink my tea. I don’t have to think. I can stop all my thinking while I drink my tea. When I stop my thinking, I can focus my attention on the tea. There is only the tea. There is only me. Between me and the tea there is a connection. I don’t need a telephone to talk to the tea. In fact, because I’m not on the telephone, I can get more in touch with the tea. I just breathe in, and I’m aware that my in-breath is there, I’m aware that my body is there, and I’m aware that the tea is there.

The Sanskrit word karma means “action,” and it refers not just to bodily action but to what we express with our bodies, our words, and our thoughts and intentions.

Both communication and community have the same Latin root, communicare, meaning to impart, share, or make common.

In long-term relationships, as in families, we often get in the habit of thinking that change isn’t possible. We think the other person should change and they won’t, so we give up hope. But we need to stop judging and return to our own internal communication. If we wait for our parents or our partner to change, it may take a very long time. If we wait for the other person to change, we may spend all our time waiting. So it’s better that you change yourself. Don’t try to force the other person to change. Even if it takes a long time, you will feel better when you are master of yourself and you are doing your best.

We’ve received many positive and negative seeds from our parents and ancestors. They transmitted their habit to us because they didn’t know how to transform it.

Sometimes these habit energies have passed through many generations.

There are many ways that people can support us and love us without actually saying, “I love you.” You may know people who have never said, “I love you,”

but you know they love you.

Nothing can survive without food. Everything we consume acts either to heal us or to poison us. We tend to think of nourishment only as what we take in through our mouths, but what we consume with our eyes, our ears, our noses, our tongues, and our bodies is also food. The conversations going on around us, and those we participate in, are also food. Are we consuming and creating the kind of food that is healthy for us and helps us grow?

be thoughtful about what you consume