Milk Fed

Worse yet, his wife had just given birth to twin daughters and he now identified as a “feminist.” Ofer was acquiring a perfunctory knowledge of social justice, as dictated by thinkpieces on diversity, inclusion, and equal pay in the Hollywood Reporter.

My mother gave birth to twins: myself and fear.
—Thomas Hobbes

For a little love, you pay all your life.

Stop fucking thinking for one second and try to have a good time, I said to myself.

Never in my life have I had a good time, I replied.

I thought about how I used to watch my mother sleep sometimes, how innocent she looked with her hands tucked under the pillow. In those moments, I saw her as a little girl, and I felt that nothing was her fault—just a chain of fears and feelings passed down from generation to generation. In those moments I thought, You can show her how to love you better by being loving to her. But it was easier to be loving when the person was asleep.

I didn’t like the good. The good was just mediocre. I wanted to go beyond mediocre. I wanted to be exceptional. I did not want to be medium-size. I wanted to be perfect. And by perfect, I meant less.

I would not have called Jace a star. A glow-in-the-dark sticker, maybe.

Hunkered down at night

precluded me from having to engage

happiness could be relegated to one thing