As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh

But it is as indispensable for her to reject me—as it has been indispensable for me to hold on to her.

Because I don’t understand. I don’t really accept the change in Irene. I think I can reverse it—by explaining, by demonstrating that I am good for her

I am Irene’s [the Cuban-American playwright María Irene Fornés—SS’s lover for a time in Paris in 1957 and then her partner in New York between 1959 and 1963] Maginot Line

Damp mollusks of 12-year old girls.

A miracle is just an accident, with fancy trappings

Fear of the other going away: fear of abandonment
Fear of my going away: fear of retaliation by the other (also abandonment—but as revenge for the rejection of going away)

From Mother, I learned: “I love you” means “I don’t love anyone else.” The horrid woman was always challenging my feelings, telling me I had made her unhappy, that I was “cold.”

The desire for reassurance. And, equally, to be reassured. (The itch to ask whether I’m still loved; and the itch to say, I love you, half-fearing that the other has forgotten, since the last time I said it.)
“Quelle connerie” [“What idiocy”]

To say a feeling, an impression is to diminish it—expel it.

But sometimes feelings are too strong: passions, obsessions. Like romantic love. Or grief. Then one needs to speak, or one would burst.

The gift” has meant to me: I wouldn’t buy this for myself (it’s nice, a luxury, not necessary) but I buy it for you. Denial of self.