Why Mummy Doesn’t Give a

Although they do say the best revenge is to live a happy life …’

All we can do is attempt to break the cycles and not repeat the mistakes our parents made.

‘No, darling, if someone loves you they’ll never pressure you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with,’ I assured her.

Sometimes you need to put yourself first, not the kids.’

I think it’s what we’re conditioned to say as British people. “Are you OK?” “Yes, yes, totally fine.” “Only your leg’s just fallen off.” “What’s that? No, just a flesh wound, nothing to worry about!” Maybe it’s all Monty Python’s fault?’

life, Ellen.That’s all you’ve got. No point wasting time on regrets. Change what you can and deal with what you can’t. Now buck up, have another drink and make the most of what you do have, instead of crying over what you don’t!’

‘Has it never occurred to you that sometimes offering practical help IS providing emotional support?’

‘All parents mentally scar their children for life.

I’m a bit over music already, to be honest, but if you ignore the wanky music bits, it turns out that festivals are like Christmas and it’s perfectly acceptable to start drinking with your breakfast (also, breakfast burritos are surprisingly delicious in a disgusting sort of a way).

‘Oh God, Mother!’ wailed Jane. ‘Why do you always have to be so extra?’

‘Well, it’s better than being basic,’ I retorted, feeling very proud of myself at being so Down with the Kids and mastering the language of the Youth.