Addicted to love

garden for fear of the supposed snake in the house, we’re also alienated from ourselves, we daren’t come home to ourselves, for fear of our supposed worthlessness and inadequacy. These negative feelings are not really true, they don’t relate to what we are in reality, but only to what we’ve learned to think about ourselves

The main character in this example actually makes three mistakes, each of which causes misery to an increasing extent. The first mistake is not recognising the piece of rope as a piece of rope. This is our ignorance of who or what we really are, our natural state of being. The second mistake is seeing a dangerous snake. This is our misconception that we are fundamentally flawed, stupid, weak or bad, and not good enough; in short: worthless. The third mistake is acting on the fear of the snake and running outside. This is running away from our negative feelings about ourselves, and looking for other people’s love and approval. This is the most serious mistake, because it makes it impossible to see through the other mistakes. As long as we keep looking for other people’s love and approval, we sustain the illusion that without that love we’re worthless, not good enough, which in turn reinforces the urge to look for that approval outside ourselves. It’s a vicious circle, and the main cause of all other counterproductive reflexes in our life. Like the person in India who lived the rest of her life in the

authentic, altruistic motives.

after time we create our suffering and destroy our happiness. This book will show you how you can stop this, how you can learn to do nothing instead of creating misery, how you can learn to give instead of continuing to feel want and neediness, how you can learn to embrace what you now condemn and reject. In short, you’ll learn to recognise the patterns that come into play when you try to eradicate your negative feelings, which actually only lead to those negative feelings being repeatedly evoked. You’ll see that happiness is much nearer than you ever imagined. You don’t need to find that prince on the white horse, or that super sexy lover; you don’t need to get rich, or find a fantastic job, or acquire a new house; you don’t need to achieve that far-distant state of enlightenment before you can find this happiness. It’s very close to home, and is found when you see through the fundamental misunderstanding and recognise the essence of your own mind. This will automatically lead you to let go of the causes of

I have no right to exist

We all spent our first years of life in a state of true dependency and existential fear of rejection. That fear is thus originally a fear of abandonment, and in essence a fear of death. Therefore, it is no wonder that we have this fear for the rest of our lives, and try our best to keep it hidden. Fear is the deepest force behind our lifelong striving to gain the love and approval of others.

suffering and develop the skilful means that will lead you to unconditional happiness. You will then, and only then, be able to engage in truly loving relationships. And if you happen to get that fantastic job or that new house, then great – but your happiness will no longer depend on it.

sow the seeds

merely fleeting moments

fear is the cause, getting stuck in a pattern is the effect. All patterns arise from our fear of rejection, and the result is always more self-rejection.