It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

the DNA responsible for transmitting physical traits, such as the color of our hair, eyes, and skin—surprisingly makes up less than 2 percent of our total DNA.14 The other 98 percent consists of what is called noncoding DNA (ncDNA), and is responsible for many of the emotional, behavioral, and personality traits we inherit.

What I failed to realize at the time is that when we try to resist feeling something painful, we often protract the very pain we’re trying to avoid

What I failed to realize at the time is that when we try to resist feeling something painful, we often protract the very pain we’re trying to avoid. Doing so is a prescription for continued suffering.

For better or worse, parents tend to pass on the parenting that they themselves received.

In our fear and anxiety, we often try to control our environment to feel safe. That’s because we had so little control when we were small, and there was likely not a safe place for the intense emotions we experienced.

Hellinger teaches that we share a family consciousness with our biological family members who come before us

These imprints then become the family blueprint as family members unconsciously repeat the sufferings of the past.

Hellinger believes that the mechanism behind these repetitions is unconscious loyalty, and views unconscious loyalty as the cause of much suffering in families.

Thomas Verny says, “From the moment of conception, the experience in the womb shapes the brain and lays the groundwork for personality, emotional temperament, and the power of higher thought.”1 Like a blueprint, these patterns are transmitted more than learned.

Researchers are now finding that our thoughts, inner images, and daily practices, such as visualization and meditation, can change the way our genes express