Toaster's Handbook / Jokes, Stories, and Quotations

In a cemetery at Middlebury, Vt., is a stone, erected by a widow to her loving husband, bearing this inscription: "Rest in peace—until we meet again."

A southern colonel had a colored valet by the name of George. George received nearly all the colonel's cast-off clothing. He had his eyes on a certain pair of light trousers which were not wearing out fast enough to suit him, so he thought he would hasten matters somewhat by rubbing grease on one knee. When the colonel saw the spot, he called George and asked if he had noticed it. George said, "Yes, sah, Colonel, I noticed dat spot and tried mighty hard to get it out, but I couldn't."
"Have you tried gasoline?" the colonel asked.
"Yes, sah, Colonel, but it didn't do no good."
"Have you tried brown paper and a hot iron?"
"Yes, sah, Colonel, I'se done tried 'mos' everything I knows of, but dat spot wouldn't come out."
"Well, George, have you tried ammonia?" the colonel asked as a last resort.
"No, sah, Colonel, I ain't tried 'em on yet, but I knows dey'll fit."

southern colonel had a colored valet by the name of George. George received nearly all the colonel's cast-off clothing. He had his eyes on a certain pair of light trousers which were not wearing out fast enough to suit him, so he thought he would hasten matters somewhat by rubbing grease on one knee. When the colonel saw the spot, he called George and asked if he had noticed it. George said, "Yes, sah, Colonel, I noticed dat spot and tried mighty hard to get it out, but I couldn't."
"Have you tried gasoline?" the colonel asked.
"Yes, sah, Colonel, but it didn't do no good."
"Have you tried brown paper and a hot iron?"
"Yes, sah, Colonel, I'se done tried 'mos' everything I knows of, but dat spot wouldn't come out."
"Well, George, have you tried ammonia?" the colonel asked as a last resort.
"No, sah, Colonel, I ain't tried 'em on yet, but I knows dey'll fit."